Coronavirus-I

This is probably my fourth week of working from home and working for home. I frantically check news on my phone atleast 3 times a day in hopes of finding some good news. Sadly, not much luck, although a relief is that Washington state's hospitals are not running at max capacity.

One news I came across just now is that as Wuhan has opened up, residents believe that the number of deaths was way more than the 3000 odd reported by the Chinese Communist Government. That's a big news (for me) because I had fallen into the trap of just looking at the numbers and judging how efficient and effective a particular authority was in limiting the outbreak. Given how much variation there has been in how countries are dealing with this, the report about Wuhan made me question my earlier thinking that China had done a fantastic job at controlling this. In this case, of course numbers matter because we are talking about the number of people who passed away. They tried silencing the whistle blowers of the outbreak, infected people were forcibly taken away to quarantine facilities, and now even with the quarantine lifted they don't feel really free. India is probably adopting a similar approach - using force without any hesitation when needed. How come force is the only approach for these countries when here in the USA, self-quarantine is the suggested and seemingly working approach?  When we say all humans are similar, that's probably true - we all need food, water, shelter, kids, and a better life. Though humans are born similar, all societies are not similar. Most of the Asians who have chosen to live here have probably consciously and unconsciously been conditioned to the  societal norms here. Free-will is extremely important here and individual responsibility is pretty high too. However, governance is lacking a more scientific and brave approach. The people in power seem to be stuck in the past, but luckily industrialists here are on their way to becoming philanthropists and socially responsible. If this country can get good governance, nothing can stop it. But what is the cause and what is the effect - bad governance or bad sections of the society? Even if one can't solve this puzzle, enough good can be done through other sections of the society in power -journalists, industrialists, talk show hosts...

There is no time!

Is there any conversation with friends or family these days without the line "...There is no time..."? The obvious response we hear from the other side is everyone has the same number of hours in a day, some are able to use it efficiently and some are not. Are we just perceiving the lack of time or is time really more readily available to a few than others?

Let me compare only my life pre and post marriage first. I don't ever remember bringing this issue of time much back then. Except ofcourse when I was averaging 80 hours a week at VPI or when I had to submit a thesis by a hard deadline. Whenever faced with prospect of less time for a task, we could cut down on a little bit of sleep or cooking or weekend relaxation. 'extra time' could be created on demand most of the time. Another way of putting this is I was not running close to maximum capacity back then, so there was enough bandwidth to "create" new time based on requirement.
Coming to the present day, when I am working close to maximum capacity with 2 kids creating "extra time" seems almost impossible. (I have given up facebook before saying this :-D ) Managing a sickness at home, or meeting a work deadline or sqeezing in travel are so daunting

Color and beauty!

Yesterday, I was reading the story of a young woman who was brought up in a bad neighborhood, and who was discriminated at several points of her life due to her dark color and unattractive appearance. She kept thinking low about herself for a long period in her life, then due some turn of events, she found her confidence and is currently studying in the United States. There is a lot more in the story, and hats off to that girl - she is definitely a survivor! As usual, I 'like'd the story, how she turned her life around was indeed commendable. I am sure a lot of Indians have also liked the post.

It's so easy to agree with the truth that outward appearance of a person should not matter. It's the inner personality that should count. When it comes to accepting someone physically not attractive in my life recently, I faltered to begin with. It took me a few days of battling with myself to start practicing this idea that physical appearance is not very important. Not just me, I am seeing people who are more experienced in life compared to me falter horribly as well. People who have not so attractive daughters themselves, passing judgement on others daughters is something I am unable to fathom. How can they ignore that their own daughter may be judged the same way by others? Would they like that? Can't we remember our grandmothers, mothers, sisters or any close relatives or friends who are dark, but have amazing effect on us, and whose presence is a blessing in our life?

Let's try this exercise, which may probably help us in readjusting our thinking about beauty. If I say "Close your eyes for half a minute and think of all the beautiful people in your life", whom will you see? Will you see your mother, grand mother, wife or will you see Aishwarya Rai, Sridevi? I definitely hope you see atleast one from the former set of people, because if it's only someone from the latter category, you are seriously beyond repair!

An year of firsts is done!

An year of firsts has passed...
First delivery, first baby, first parenthood nervousness...Shloka's first smile, first 'agoo', first rollover, first crawling, first cruising, first steps, and first run...Seeing this darling grow and learn has been the most fulfilling experience of our lives. 

I would have never experienced the amount of love my mom has for me, if not for Shloka...That there is no love greater than the love for your own child. When a friend said that one has not lived life without raising a child, I had not fully understood what he meant then. Now, I know that everyone should experience the 'circle of life'.

Here's wishing you a happy first birthday my love! Here's to many more happy firsts in our lives!

The road not taken

As a kid, I remember reading a poem in my English text book, the road not taken. The author had a choice to make, and he found it very hard to pick one of the two roads as he had no idea of which road would be better for him. I find myself in a very similar situation now.

I wish we could see into the future. I wish I could travel on all the roads not taken and see where I would end up. I wish I could see how Shloka would turn out to be if I let her stay with a nanny. I wish I could see the young person Shloka would turn out to be continuing here at Bright horizons!

Spending a week here in this day care, I am an expert now on how day cares work :D There is probably no way to tell if what we are doing now as parents is the best for Shloka. Only time will tell that. Until then, I have to walk in the dark hearing out other parents experiences and hope that this painful transition is the best for her in the long run.

This is definitely just the beginning of numerous choices we need to make for Shloka. I hope we make the most well-informed decisions for her, that also help in nurturing her personality. Parenting is tough, but there is always an unexpected reward - Shloka taking the bottle from a stranger just when I almost gave up!

Branching off...

I was stunned!

When I found that Hrithik and Suzanne are living separate and may file for divorce, I could not believe it. How could a fairy-tale like romance like theirs end? Years earlier, I remember watching Suzanne talk about their relationship with such dreamy eyes, I thought this girl is head over heels in love with the guy in her life.

I started thinking why I was so affected by the news. Sure, I understand that relationships change over the years, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, and sometimes just because change is what differentiates our past from the future. Love and loved ones are not an exception to this. Especially, in the case of extremely successful people, relationship dynamics are even more volatile...Then why did I not take the news casually? Was it because I believed Hrithik and Suzanne are an ideal couple? Nah...after all, what do I really know about them? Was I feeling insecure about my own relationship with Sharath because we also dated for soo long before getting married in a similar fashion? Even that's not the case...our life circumstances would have anything but a zero degree of correlation....I thought on, but could not find an answer to my slightly agitated state about the news...it stayed on with me sub-consciously...

As I came across this news again, it suddenly dawned upon me as to what was so unsettling about the news! It was Hrithik's statement in which he indicated that Suzanne was the only love of his life and will remain so even in the future. My perception of his statement is that even if both were responsible for the emotional void between the two, one had decided to branch off and have a life of their own. This was the reason why I did not treat their breakup as just another news.

So what does one do if after seventeen years of love, two kids and amazing memories with each other, you realize that you have irrevocably lost the partner with whom you had the best time of your life? If both the persons in the relationship have moved on to be different individuals, that's totally fine...But what if only one has moved on and left the other partner with haunting memories of the past, making it impossible to see a happy future? I would never know if this is what happened between Hrithik and Suzanne and maybe it doesn't even matter. I only hope that no person in love ever faces such a situation. Because that would be worse than never being in love at all...

Happily Ever After?

As kids, we read stories of kings and queens who struggled early-on in their life, and due to some strange twist everything ends on a happy note. The movies we grew up watching also have the hero and villian, or the lovers and the opposing parents and after some time and major drama, everything falls into place and we have a happy ending. Even in Ramyana, the story is almost over once Lord Rama is back to his kingdom and power. So, did he never have any problems after that? (Of course Sita's woes continued and that's a different debate altogether...) I am sure he had a ton of problems managing his kingdom, protecting his kingdom from invaders from outside and within. Just because its not part of the story, we think he had a great time ruling!

May be these things become so much part of us or may be because I specifically never came out of this dream world, I always subconsciously had set time goals after which there won't be any hiccups at all in life (Writing this line itself, I am embarrassed of my foolishness!) Obviously that's not the case. There are problems in life, professional goals, personal problems, financial hassles...There is never an end to this story...Then I ask myself what keeps so many people to put up with all these problems and still live?

It is joy derived from simple things in life...The sense of accomplishment when a professor says you are on top of your work...The peace we experience when holding hand of the person you love looking at the sea.. The joy we get out of doing some random acts of kindness...The out of the world feeling when meeting your family after some years...I guess it is things like these that re-fuel us..

Life is a journey as lot of people have already said and not a story that has a "happily ever after phase"....It is only slowly that I am understanding this... and rather strangely... I am not complaining!